Joe's Bdiary

Hokey Dookie

2009-12-06T17:42:00.000-08:00

Stop. Collaborate and listen. Got the monthly Church St. Comedy Open Mic going down on Wednesday December 16th at 830, y'all. Show's gonna be bangin' and what have you. For those of you looking to get more stage time or maybe try some material in front of a different crowd, come on down to Jesse Zane's Nashville Nights 12/16/09. There's no cover and you can smoke.

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And on Sunday December 13th anyone who's anyone should come to Spanky's for The Naughty & Not So Nice Christmas Comedy Showcase. (see previous post for flyer)

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Finally, I will be kickin' it farm-style this week so The Tuesday Night Open Mic Comedy Show will be guest hosted by Brad Hinderliter. See yuins on the 13th.

To borrow from '07 "Shake your Party [STABNOISE]"

2009-11-24T01:41:00.000-08:00

Holy SHIT! I am going to hunt down the person responsible for the ~~"Coach Foster Fights Back"~~ Old Navy "Party Cardi" commercials and punch them in the nuts. I try to avoid them, but they sneak up on me. I'll walk out of the bathroom to hear ~~a dreadful Russian actress butchering lines that don't even deserve to be written on a cue card. Tell me how a 25 year old from Eastern Europe becomes the best spinal surgeon in America~~ some chick with a fake British accent trying to broadcast the next female equivalent of a douchebag catchphrase. "Shake your Party Cardi". DAMN IT! These commercials are fucking dumb. Dumb fucking commercials. You know what's fucking dumb? These dumb fucking commercials! That's what's fucking dumb. Mrmph! (that's a frustrated noise by the way) If I could stab a commercial, I'd do it. Some guy would come up to me and say "Hey, Joe! That commercial you hate has been anthropomorphized and I'll give you a dollar to stab it." Then I'll say "Keep your dollar, friend. This one's on the house." Then I'd stab it. And every time I'd stab it, I'd yell "STAB!" Then I'd tell the commercial's kids that I'm sorry, but it had to be done for the greater good of humanity. Then I'd sleep with commercial's wife. God, I hate those commercials.

2009-11-24T01:00:00.000-08:00

Hey, everybody. A "very good friend of mine" named Toby Stapleton is doing a Christmas Showcase at Spanky's Sportsbar & Grill on Sunday December 13th. You all should come see me.. I mean him. As for this week, I'll be hosting the Tuesday Night Open Mic Comedy Night at Spanky's. Show starts at 830pm. I hear we may even have a ventriloquist this week. I look forward to much holiday-themed hilarity.

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In culinary news: I finally made one of those bacon fatty melts. It was awesome. I had a lot of ground beef left over that was going to go bad so I also made two gallons of chili. It took a while, but I finished it off. Chili for breakfast, lunch, dinner, brunch, snacktime, dunch, second breakfast, supper, and pre-bedtime gorging. I make my own chili seasoning (could use less cumin, honestly) and added some dried ground habanero. I'd always have to chase a spoonful with a quart of milk, but I think the pepper may have saved me.

I have three friends that were laid up with what appeared to originally be food poisoning. But when food poisoning hits three people that didn't eat at the same place or even know each other, it makes me think that a stomach flu was going around. And with the chili agitating my stomach to it's brink, there was no more room for gastroenteritis to affect it. GO ME!

Thanksgiving is this week. I like this holiday, as well as Christmas and Easter, because I get to eat one of my favorite dishes. It's known as "everything mixed together and eaten on a roll". A large mish-mash of holiday fare sandwiched between buttered brown and serve rolls. Greenbean casserole. Check. Mashed potatoes and gravy. Check. Turkey. Check. Stuffing. Check. Corn. Check. Don't really care for cranberry sauce or pumpkin pie though. I don't like olives either... or mushrooms... or licorice. Luckily, my grandma would make a chocolate pie for dessert. She was even nice enough to leave out the olives and licorice-flavored mushrooms.

Looks like someone is buying a new belt for Black Friday... and maybe some strechy pants. Peace out, everybody.

My left arm and jaw hurt

2009-11-06T16:56:00.000-08:00

What is better than a grilled cheese sandwich? A grilled cheese sandwich with bacon on it. And what is better than a grilled cheese sandwich with bacon on it? Using those grilled cheese sandwiches with bacon on them as buns for a big ass burger! Holy crap, what a great idea these guys had.

The Fatty Melt (as mentioned in the following blogs: Serious Eats: A Hamburger Today and Dad Can Cook) has to be one of the most glorious creations of man. It is ranked among Buffalo Wings and those Nachos that you get at the Mexican restaurant with the white cheese on them.

Now, putting the bacon in the grilled cheese is what I would do. I feel that it would help keep the bacon in place whilst wolfing it down. And keep in mind that you should use ultra thin bread since there are four slices being used. I would also suggest experimenting with different cheeses. Maybe even have some INSIDE the burger. I hope your heart knows not what your eyes can see, because this next picture is sure to stop it dead.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the Double Bacon Hamburger Fatty Melt [trumpetnoise!]
It's a thing of beauty. A burger so awesome that it will be outlawed by Healthcare Reform. I think if I'm ever lying on my death bed, I'll take one of these monsters and just deep fry the whole thing in lard. That's how I want to go.

If anyone else is interested in awesome burgers, you can hit up Cheese and Burger at their website link there or add them as a page on Facebook.

Quarterly Update

2009-11-02T00:12:00.000-08:00

Ok. There is no longer a cash prize at the open mic. Thank goodness. It had turned into a "whoever brings the most people wins" situation. I like it better when comics strive to better their material and presence for the chance to win a can of Fresca.

Here's the new poster:

Also, fellow comic Renard Hirsch has started a booked show called Wild Funny Wednesdays at Corner Bar on Elliston Pl. across from Gold Rush. It's on Wednesdays. Show starts around 9pm and there's no cover. It's also one of the few places where I can drink draft beer and not get hung over.

Nashville Comic Corey Reppond has started a show at Joe's Place in Green Hills every Sunday night. Check NashvilleStandup.com for times.

And Jesse Case is in town for a few months. Be sure to check him out. He'll be performing at a variety of venues.

That was the update. So... Halloween was fun.

That's my friend Sarah. She went as someone who could have been on Laugh-In and I went as someone who could have watched it when it originally aired on TV. I look like an example of what they DON'T want at Mad Men casting calls. I decided to go as a slutty cop this year. Why do the chicks get to have all the fun and lack of being judged for dressing how they feel? I bounced from bar to bar in Printers Alley for about eight hours (yay daylight savings time). I get chatty when I've been drinking and I loose the ability to hear the words "get away from me, you smell like aftershave and souse". So I've been known to become a little annoying. Luckily everyone I'm talking to is drunk and doesn't notice. Hope everyone else had a "spook"tacular time. I think there's a law that reads you have to use puns in advertising around the holidays.

Till next time, yuins...

You heard me. Wanna do something about it?

2009-06-01T02:34:00.000-07:00

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the new format for the Tuesday Night Comedy Open Mic (NOW WITH CASH PRIZE).

In the past, the winner of the Tuesday Night Comedy Open Mic would recieve a 12 oz. Fresca "That's good drinkin" and a ten minute spot up front at the following week's show. Now we've added a cash prize as well. Real money, not a Man in Black CD. The winners of the first three weeks will compete against each other in a showcase at the end of the month. The monthly winners will, in turn, compete in an end of the year showcase. How's that sound?

Winners will be chosen based on audience response. Translation: If you're performing then it wouldn't hurt to bring as many friends as you can.

There is no cover. Sign up starts at 730 and show starts at 830. Head on out, enjoy some comedy, and drink a lot. Please see flyer above for any other details.

They had horses and everything.

2009-05-24T01:55:00.000-07:00

Man. Last Wednesday I was all like, "Hey, Scott D. Hill, you want to go up to Lexington, KY to do a show?" and he was all like, "Hells-effin' yeah, brother!" and I was all like, "Word!" Then we awkwardly high-fived and got in the car. Four hours later we arrived in the Dublin of the South. Met up with fellow comic Greg Greer and made our way out to the Chase Tap Room and commenced to drinking.

It was an open mic, but it was ran so well that you would have thought it was a regular billed show. Eight comics and yours truly finished out the show. Drink a little more, then head to some dude's place with some other people. Drink a lot more and pass out. Just before losing consciousness I heard Greg say something about a guy he knew that sometimes looks like Larry the Cable Guy (I know several people like that myself), but then he said that sometimes he looks like Rip Torn. What? He might as well have said he looked like Jeff Goldblum some of the time and James Caan some of the time. How do you look like Larry the Cable Guy OR Rip Torn? Anyway, I think that's what he said.

Should have some big news about the Tuesday Night Open Mic soon. Stay tuned....

"We're not hosting an intergalactic kegger down here, Git 'r dun!"

Crersevil, Tenorsee

2009-05-18T00:25:00.000-07:00

Wie gehts? I have added a new post to my travel blog "200 Squares". Just FYI.

Saturday I headlined a fantastic show in Crossville, TN. It was at a barbecue joint and hosted by Nashville newcomer, Terry Cliburn. He did a great job. The crowd was awesome (a little heckle-y, but nothing we couldn't handle). I downed 3+ pitchers of draft during the three and a half hour show (good continuity even with the length). Performing alongside me were comics:

Tim Long
Scott D. Hill
Chris Loyd
Emily Fleming
X-Man
Brad Hinderliter
Monty Mitchell

I'm hoping Terry does more shows out there; its a great room. The ride home included Waffle House and chili and jalapenos-covered hashbrowns alongside a grilled Texas bacon cheese steak melt w/ extra pickles and mayonnaise. My asshole is still burning. My apologies to my ridemates for the quality of the atmosphere in Brad's SUV.

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Monday May 18th at Zanies:

Nashville's Midwest transplant Marry Mack (Live at Gotham, The Jesse Perry Roast) will be returning to town to sandwich a show at Zanies. Fantastic comedienne. She's releasing a new CD. If you haven't seen/heard her before, you should definitely check her out.

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Thursday May 21st at Jesse Zane's Nashville Nights:

Church St. Comedy hosted by moi. Show starts at 9ish, no cover.

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Also I have taken over as host of the Tuesday Night Comedy Open Mic at Spanky's Sportsbar & Grill. So come on out and check out Nashville's talent or get up yourself. Sign up starts at 730, show starts at 830.

CRUBE!!

2009-03-28T18:10:00.000-07:00

I don't know if crube is a word, but it sounds like something an awesome guy would title his blog entry with.

Schedule Update:

3/31 Spanky's 8pm
4/7 Spanky's 8pm
4/14 Spanky's 8pm
4/17 Music City Bar & Grill 9pm
4/21 Spanky's 8pm
4/22 The Chase Taproom (Lexington)
4/23 Jesse Zane's Church St. Comedy 9pm
4/26 Nashville Improv Theatre 6pm
4/26 Music Row Bar & Grill 9pm
4/28 Spanky's 8pm

Piece Oud!

Same Bat-time, same Bat-channel, new Batman.

2009-03-17T01:16:00.000-07:00

After two and a half years as host of the Nashville Standup Open Mic (longest running open mic in the southeast), Chris Loyd has graciously passed the torch onto me. That's right. I am the new host of the Tuesday night comedy open mic at Spanky's. I will be following in the footsteps of Tim Northern, Jesse Perry, Chad Riden, and Chirs Loyd.

If anyone is interested in attending or performing, come on down to Spanky's Sportsbar and Grill located behind the WalMart at the corner of Nolensville and Harding (330 Welsh Rd). If you're looking for a good time then come down and watch Nashville's funniest comic compete for the coveted Fresca prize.

Sign up starts at 730pm. Please be signed up by the time the show starts at 830.

It's every Tuesday night. No cover, good food, good times.

... and in other news...

2009-03-15T01:45:00.001-07:00

I also finished updating my travel blog from my Puerto Rico trip.

And I have a show Wednesday at Jesse Zane's Nashville Nights at 9pm.

Kickin' it in the general area of Vanderbilt University

2009-03-15T00:39:00.000-07:00

Sunday night. March 15. 9pm.

Music Row Bar & Grill(formerly Crescent Moon Oyster Bar)

Open Mic starts at 7...ish. Then I'm doing 30 min on the tail end.

No cover. Be there. That is all.

Schedule

2009-01-19T02:12:00.000-08:00

1/20 Spanky's 8pm
1/21 Church St. Comedy @ Jesse Zane's 9pm
1/23 Music City Bar & Grill 8pm
1/26 Tin Roof 9pm
1/27 Spanky'S 8pm
1/28 Club Jet (Cookeville) 9pm

2/3 Spanky's 8pm
2/10 Spanky's 8pm
2/17 Spanky's 8pm
2/22 Sunday Standup Showcase Showdown
(Nashville Improv Theatre) 6pm
2/25 Church St. Comedy @ Jesse Zanes 9pm

Merry Christmas, People!

2008-12-25T11:11:00.000-08:00

A Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, Happy Yule, and Happy Birthday to all! I'll be doing ten minutes up front at Spanky's tuesday. Be there.

Schedule Update

2008-12-18T23:42:00.000-08:00

Aight, yuins. Here's what I did and what I'll be doin' .

Last Friday I did a show in White Bluff, TN hosted by Brian E. Kiley. Then Monday was The Chris Loyd and Friends show at Big Tony's in Hermitage. Tuesday was Spanky's. Tried a little something different there. You probably missed it. All I can say is that it involved two six-shooters and Elvis glasses. Wednesday was Church St. Comedy hosted by moi. Small crowd, but good performers, including as seen on TV comics Jesse Case (Last Comic Standing) and Nate Bargatze (Live at Gotham, Conan O'Brien).

Coming up:

12/23 - Spanky's @830pm
12/30 - Spanky's @830pm
1/6 -Spanky's @830pm
1/13 -Spanky's @830pm
1/20 -Spanky's @830pm
1/21 -Church St. Comedy @900pm
1/23 -Music City Bar&Grill @900pm
1/26 -Tin Roof
1/27 - Spanky's @ 830pm
1/28 - Club Jet

More Puerto Rico and a Comedy Show

2008-12-07T02:02:00.000-08:00

I've started the travel blog. Enjoy '200 Squares'. I'll be updating it as I go.

-and-

This Sunday is a Comedy Showcase at Spanky's. 8pm, no cover. You guys know where Spanky's is. It's behind the WalMart at the corner of Antioch and Nolensville. Be there.

Puerto Rico '08

2008-12-03T19:30:00.000-08:00

Here's the first batch of photos that I've gone through. Enjoy.

I may be able to pull another hundred pics that aren't duplicates. I'll post those as I go.

2008-12-03T11:00:00.000-08:00

What has two thumbs and likes Randy Newman? What has two thumbs and likes Randy Newman parodies?

The 25 Days of Newman

Also for any Lebowski fans out there...

FLAAAK-TOOOO!

2008-12-01T16:41:00.000-08:00

I'm ubersick right now. Bear with me; I have a lot of shit to say as soon as I can swallow solid food.

How did I come back paler than before?

2008-11-24T13:44:00.000-08:00

Howdy folks. I just finished my week in Puerto Rico. Fantastic place. I'm currently setting up a travel blog just to accomodate all that was done there. I'll post updates to it here as it progresses.

And now for your reading pleasure:

Best Sports Headline

Mock the Vote '08

2008-11-14T02:31:00.000-08:00

Nashville Standup came through again for the Mock the Vote '08 show on election night at Spanky's. Huge turnout and a lot of freshly written material that will never be heard again. Click here for photos from the blessed event.

Filling in for Joe Southards tonight will be Joan Rivers

2008-11-13T21:46:00.000-08:00

This Wednesday, the Church St. Comedy Show will be hosted by birthday boy Brad Edwards. The show will consist of comedic performances by Damian Anaya, Jesse Case, Tommy Joyce, and Sean Parrot. I bet there will be cake.

Why am I not hosting the show you ask. This feller's going to be sippin' pina coladas and huntin' incorporeal entities in the port of riches. So granted that my plane doesn't plunge into the ocean, I'll see yuins in a week or so.

And to anyone who's interested I re-sprained my hand at work today after hyper-extending my fingers last week. If I keep this up, you may want to buy stock in Advil.

Happy 10th!

2008-11-08T18:28:00.000-08:00

Nashville nightlife spot and home of the critically acclaimed Church St. Comedy show, Jesse Zane's Nashville Nights celebrated it's ten year anniversary Friday night. And guess what happenin' cat was in attendance: this guy. For shots of the coolest place to be last Friday click here. Here's to ten more, Jesse.

SLAM IT!

Interstate Comedy

2008-11-07T07:35:00.000-08:00

Wow. Great show last night. My thanks go out to Ben Bergman for having me and to Brian Bates for driving. Everyone had great sets. Receptive crowd, comfy room, what else can you ask for? If anyone gets the chance to check out this show in the future, I suggest that they do so. Unfortunately, after getting back to Nashville, I called it an early night. Apparently ice cream, an oatmeal cream pie, a special k cereal bar, a rice cripsy treat, candy cigarettes, and a pepperoni roll will set on you stomach for a while. It doesn't make for much of a beer drinking night.

I'll be heading down to Jesse Zane's Nashville Nights this evening for their 10 year anniversary celebration. A congratulations goes out to them. The next Church St. Comedy Show will be on Nov. 19. The show will be hosted by birthday boy Brad Edwards this month (I will be out of the country for a short period to form a tax shelter and marry a chicken). Other comics on the bill include local flavors Damian Anaya and Sean Parrot as well as west coast comic Jesse Case among others. It should be a fantastic show. Go to it.

BOOM!

2008-10-30T23:12:00.000-07:00

In a world...

2008-10-23T14:27:00.001-07:00

I just found out that Don Lafontaine died in September. Bummer. He was one of my favorite voice actors. Here's a tribute video someone made.

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Here's the link if the embedded video doesn't work.

'Scurse Me?

2008-10-16T03:41:00.000-07:00

Really? REALLY?! ... I'm sorry. What were you saying again?

Oh Boy

2008-10-12T23:50:00.000-07:00

I was driving around today and realized that I haven't seen the final episode of Quantum Leap. Looks like I'll be expanding my NetFlix queue.

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Hey! If you're looking for something to do monday night, then come on down to Big Tony's. There's an Open Mic Comedy Night. It's on Andrew Jackson behind that pet place that used to be a gas station. And if anyone isn't busy tuesday night, there is a Comedy Open Mic at
Spanky's Sportsbar & Grill. It's near the corner of Harding Pl. and Nolensville Rd. behind the WalMart. A lot of funny people there. It starts around 8ish.

AND wednesday Oct. 22, there is a comedy showcase known as Church St. Comedy at Jesse Zane's Nashville Nights (which is around the corner from Printer's Alley) hosted by moi.

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I've been watching Dexter on OnDemand. Cool. I'll have to get the first season and do some catching up, but I like what I've seen so far. And someone tell me why the powers that be decide to cancel Journeyman, but bring back Knight Rider. [closes eyes and shakes head in disappointment]

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I bought this bed in a bag at Target on sale. Holy Sleep in a Tub of Foam, Batman. The sheets feel like that material that "fuzzy" pajamas are made of. SWEET!

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I got my hair did and I've lost another five pounds. I think that's about it.

Pickin' and a Grinnin'

2008-10-05T19:13:00.000-07:00

My dad's band (Williams & Clark Expedition) was playing at the IBMA World of Bluegrass Fan Fest yesterday. I got a few pics. And I got to see a few family friends that I haven't seen in a while. I love bluegrass. I've been meaning to get back to the Station Inn downtown. I'll probably hit it up later this month on one of my days off.

AND in other banjo-related news...

I got to meet Steve Martin today at work. Awesome.

'Scuse Me, Just One More Thing

2008-09-29T22:53:00.000-07:00

Here are the upcoming shows.

N'Sup Open Mic at Spanky's 8pm Oct. 4
Dive Laughing at Springwater 9pm Oct. 5
Church St. Comedy at Jesse Zane's 9pm Oct. 22

Check NashvilleStandup.com for all your Nashville comedy needs.

Sept. Update

2008-09-29T22:12:00.000-07:00

Ok. I've been working about 2-3 double shifts a week and I had three shows last week. So I've been keeping busy.

Show Recap:

Spanky's Bar & Grill Showcase Sunday Sept. 21
I was the dapper host of a great show featuring

Jesse Perry
Chad Riden
Monty Mitchell
Dave Young

I like to think I did ok. But it's hard to do bad when you're wearing a tux.

Church St. Comedy Thursday Sept. 25
I hosted once again. Great show. It ran just under two hours, then we had to finish up before the bar was overrun with Vandy kids. My deepest thanks to Jesse Zane for letting us use this venue every month. On stage was

Brian E. Kiley
Brad Edwards
Monty Mitchell
Leslie Nash (happy birthday)
Dave Young

My thanks to all the people who came out to support the show. I think it was our best yet. Next month's will be on a wednesday, probably Oct. 22.

Ultimate Comedy in Space Friday Sept. 26
I didn't host this one. This is a monthly show put on by Brad Edwards and Sean Parrot with frequent players Corey Reppond and Damian Anaya. However the last two were not in this particular show. The show is a blend of standup comedy and skit performances, sometimes with a little audience participation. It was my first time performing at the After Hours Theatre at Bongo Java in Belmont. I've only been to one other show there years ago. Plus it was refreshing to do a show sober also.

Sean Parrot
Dan Schlacter
Brad Edwards
Mark Anundson
________________

Also, my brother was married on the 13th of this month. I was a groomsman and I got an assload of pictures from the rehearsal dinner, wedding, and reception. It was good to see the many family members from both sides that I hadn't seen in a while. It's also kind of weird to think that I have a sister-in-law now. This is me and my brother's lovely bride incognito last Halloween.

Later I went downtown and got "an even more assload" of pictures from all over Printer's Alley, especially Jesse Zane's Nashville Nights. I was a little tipsy and when you combine that with a wide angle lens, most of your photos will be out of focus. Photographs are kind of like knots: if you can't tie(take) a good one, tie(take) lots of them.

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My cell phone sucks balls. I need a new one and I'll be damned if I ever get another flip phone. It's like it ages in dog years or something. Just venting a bit. Anyways, let me tell you about this stuff called Firefly Sweet Tea.

It's a 70 proof vodka made in South Carolina. Awesome. Just mix it with ice and a little water, squeeze a lemon wedge in it and throw it down your Gregory. Or mix it half and half with lemonade (my favorite). It tastes like tea. Go figure. Sample it at your local drinking establishment and then go buy yourself a bottle (they run between $16-$20).

I guess that's it for now. I'll try to keep you updated on anything else I can think of.

Time's a Changin'

2008-09-12T19:16:00.000-07:00

Hokey-Dookie. There has been a change in the show for this Sunday. It is now on Sunday 9/21/08 instead $5.

Also:

Church St. Comedy 9/25
Ulitmate Comedy 9/26

Stuff and Whathaveyou

2008-08-27T13:32:00.000-07:00

Alright! So the show last thursday went well. Thank you to everyone who came out.

A few weeks ago I was at a benefit for Printer's Alley staple Kate Singleton who's apt caught fire. Here's a few pics from it.

Here's some new flickr stuff as well.

Show Schedule:

Wed 9/3 Springwater Dive Laughing
Tue 9/9 Spanky's Open Mic
Sun 9/14 Spanky's Showcase
Tue 9/16 Spanky's Open Mic
Tue 9/23 Spanky's Open Mic
Thur 9/25 Jesse Zane's Church St. Comedy
Fri 9/26 Bongo Java Ultimate Comedy
Tue 9/30 Spanky's Open Mic

HA!

2008-08-27T13:30:00.000-07:00

More of Church St. Comedy

2008-08-12T14:49:00.000-07:00

Church St. Comedy August 21st

2008-08-10T02:10:00.000-07:00

TIMING!

2008-08-08T17:52:00.000-07:00

Howdy, howdy.

Hope everyone is doing well. The Nashville Standup community (N'Sup) is busy, in a good way. Look at all the shows going on:

Joe's Crabshack at 8:30 tonight with Paul Strickland headlining along with Brian Swinford, Brian E. Kiley, Brian Bates, and Ben Bergman. Hurry and you can make it there.

Crash at Bongo Java on August 16 with Brian E. Kiley, Chad Riden, and Sean Parrot.

Church St. Comedy at Jesse Zane's Nashville Nights August 21 (flyer below) hosted by yours truly and a comical cast of others. Headlined by Paul Strickland.

Chris Loyd & Friends at Music City Bar and Grill August 28.

Dive Laughing at Springwater September 3.

Spanky's Comedy Showcase September 14 hosted by myself as well.

Chris Loyd & Friends at Music City Bar and Grill September 18.

Church St. Comedy at Jesse Zane's Nashville Nights September 25 once again hosted by me.

Ultimate Comedy at Bongo Java September 26.

All that plus open mics at both Big Tony's every monday and Spanky's every tuesday.

You get the idea. Lots of stuff going on. Check out the N'Sup weblink above to see full schedules and even more shows. And buy something.

Also:
Here's a few pics from the new lens I was talking about.

The 18-135mm takes great pictures.

The more the merrier... merryer... m-marry her... screw it.

2008-08-01T16:04:00.000-07:00

Alright. Here's the deal. Yesterday, I picked up another Nikon D70, a new 18-135mm lens, new batteries and quick charger, and an SB-600 speedlight. I love Craigslist. Why another D70? I can use it as a back up, don't have to change lenses as often, and if I feel like it, I can just sell it. I was finally able to get a good speedlight for my camera as well for $150. I've been checking Amazon, Adorama, eBay, stuffIfoundinmytrash.com, and finally.. BAM, Craigslist. I also like how you can see what you're buying and make sure it works before you pay for it. So here's to you, Internet Yard Sale and Whore Peddler. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go run a search for DeLorean time machines.

Err-body in the courtyard get tipsy!

2008-07-27T17:54:00.000-07:00

This year's Music City Brewer's Festival was a hit once again. Lots of beer, music, food, beer, people, beer, and beer. If you attend, I recommend that you bring a towel, because you'll be sweating balls. I took a few pictures which can be found HERE.

Lynn and I drank our asses off, and then went to eat at Big River. First time eating there. Good food. And they have some of their own brews. Then on to The Big Bang dueling piano bar. I don't like crowded bars. Crowded outside... fine, inside... not so much. I then headed to Printer's Alley for a little conversation and a few more beers. My drunk ass was driven home at about 0230. Whenever I drink draft beer, I always get a hangover. I woke up at about 1030 feeling fantastic (no sarcasm). I don't know; maybe it's just crappy keg beer that gives me a hangover.

If you plan on attending next year, you will need to buy your tickets well in advance. They usually sell out a week before the event. After that, you're stuck paying $80 for one from a scalper on Craigslist.

[morsecodesound]Dateline Nashville[/morsecodesound]

2008-07-17T15:07:00.000-07:00

Hey, everybody. How about them comedy shows? They were fantastic. Everyone did great at the Showcase last tuesday... and the Music City Bar & Grill show... and the show at Jesse Zane's. So guess what? There's another show tonight! Holy crap balls, you can still make plans. It's not too late. Act now and I'll throw in the RonCo Hair-in-a-can for free!

Last night I was at Zanie's on 8th Ave. In the middle of the headliner's act (Patti Vasquez), we heard what sounded like a person falling down the stairs, but no one was on the stairs. I thought maybe some douchebags were outside banging on the exit doors. The manager stepped outside to see what was going on. After a few minutes, I started walking outside to smoke and a server stopped me. Apparently, a drunken gentleman in what appeared to be a stolen car hit a light pole and knocked it completely off it's base. That light pole then slammed into the side of the building and severed the gas main. The car continued on to slam into two cars parked at the stop light without hitting his brakes once.

I've had my camera with me every night for the past two weeks. The one time I say to myself, "Na, I won't need it tonight", and the cover story for the the local news page happens right outside.

Due to the gas leak (it was less of a leak and more of a gushing, whooshing of gas), the building was evacuated and the tabs were all comped. (I did tip out. I'm not a complete douche.) No one was seriously injured, but some cars got all effed up fo shizzle.

First time for everything

2008-07-12T04:16:00.000-07:00

The showcase at Spanky's went fantastically. It was also the first time my mother has seen me do comedy in the six and a half years since I started. Anywho, here's some of the folks whose presence I was graced with.

Your host for the evening: Mr. Chris Loyd.

Leslie Nash

Ben Bergman

Monty Mitchell

Dave Young

A fine young group of fellow comics. I drank a lot that night and then watched The Secret. It's pretty cool. Reminds me of What the Bleep Do We Know.

Y'all stay fantastically, Nashville! Joe out!

brrrrraaaaazzzzzoooOOOOOOMMMM!

2008-07-08T05:06:00.001-07:00

Yeah, baby. Guess what came in the mail yesterday?

That's what came in the mail yesterday. Say hello to Mr. Nikkor 70-300mm. It even came with a miniature jar of mayonaise.

Tonight I'm performing at the first ever Spanky's Comedy Showcase

Pretty cool, huh? Be there or something.

Church St. Comedy

2008-07-06T02:27:00.000-07:00

Hey, everybody. Remember that show I'm putting together but I'm not actually in? Here's all the deets. For only $3 you can expect...

Your Host:

D White

Your Comics:

Monty Mitchell

Charles Ives

Kendra Corrie

Corey Reppond

Your Headliner:

Jesse Perry

Expect a special guest set by Jesse Zane's Nashville Night's own Jesse Zane.

Your Flyer:

The Gnu!

2008-07-05T05:53:00.000-07:00

Here's the new stuff. Then we should all be caught up.

The Hunters in 'Maica

Josh and Jesse have joined the Peace Corps. They left for the land of Red Stripe earlier this week to embark on their two year journey to explore strange new worlds, seek out life and new civilizations, to boldly go...

Anywho, the link above is to their blog whilst they're abroad (well, Jesse's a broad; Josh is more of a dude. ZING!.. Did you see what I did there with the words?) We wish them the best of luck and keep them in our prayers.

Even more comedy

I moan-a be in the first showcase to be featured at Spanky's since "Middle Tennessee's Longest Running Comedy Open Mic" relocated to there.

There're the names. There's the place. Be there.

My brother's getting married.

I'm dating a nurse... again.

I might be going on a cruise to some Mayan ruins next year.

The WB series Supernatural is awesome.

I've been really getting into cooking. (the real kind of cooking, with knives and everything)

The photography thing you already know about. What you don't know is that I'm supposed to be doing some portrait work for some strippers later this month.

And my buddy Rob made me this sweet gif banner. It has some scrolling deals on it, but I don't know how to make that work here just yet. If you really want to see it working, just look at one of my posts on the Mangy Dog Forum

Check.. check... is this thing on?

2008-07-05T05:27:00.000-07:00

Okey-dokey.

I know it's been a while since my last post. I hate to keep the two people who have ever read this bdiary waiting. And instead of writing one long post, I'll divide this up into two (The Old, and The New). Look out, baby. Here comes the old:

I've been getting back into the comedy deal. More shows. More jokes. More beer. With the help of Nashville comic and Printer's Alley staple, D White, I've started booking a show on Church St. at Jesse Zane's Nashville Nights. The first show went off very well and we're expecting a continuation of awesomeness at the next show on July 17. (I'll post more about this as time approaches)

I've been working about 50 hrs. a week for the past two months. And I've been sleeping about 5 hrs. a night. It's all good. Just forgive me if I get a voicemail or text from you and forget to return it. I've been a little scatterbrained recently.

Photography:

I purchased a Nikon D70 on the recommendation of my friend Josh. I love it. I have a 18-55mm lens and I've just ordered my new 70-300mm lens which should work out awesome out at the airport... where I work... and take lots of pictures. If anyone is ever interested in seeing how I progress as I hone my clickin' skills, then you can check out my Flickr Page.

And I saw some movies. The end.

John Adams

2008-04-23T07:26:00.000-07:00

I finally finished watching the 57 hour mini-series John Adams on HBO. I found it entertaining but I feel that Best Week Ever summed it up nicely.

Seven Things I Learned About History From The HBO John Adams Finale

1 — John Adams lived until the year 1981, overcoming smallpox twice, a rare strain of largepox, and living a miraculous twelve years with HIV before getting hit by a flaming train and dying three months later.

2 — John Adams’ wife, daughter, three grandchildren, four cats, and John Quincy Adams all passed away tragically in John’s arms.

3 — The “Signing” of the Declaration of Independence never really happened, though several delegates did scratch their names into the congressional bathroom stall underneath the graffiti “I f***ed Dickinson’s wife.”

4 — Sally Hemmings was always a couple feet away from Thomas Jefferson later in his life, and was really extra sad when Jefferson died (because the two slept together!!!! WINKKKK!!!!!)

5 — John Adams was really, really concerned that history would overlook his accomplishments, so much so that he spent his final years writing catchy Broadway tunes about his struggle for independence.

6 — No one really gave a sh*t about Madison and Monroe.

7 — Everything about American history is wrong except for HBO’s 2008 miniseries John Adams.

There's even a boob in it.

Well.... not horrible

2008-04-01T00:00:00.000-07:00

So... I had a fantastic time at The Chris Loyd and Friends Comedy Show at the Music City Bar and Grill on March, 27 2008 at 8:00PM. It's a great venue and everyone is very attentive. The house was packed and there's 2 for 1 drafts. Everyone had a good set and Leslie Nash got filmt. I should know by now though that my lav mic doesn't work in any practical venue. Nonetheless, it turned out pretty good. My buddy Josh wrote a kind of review about it. Also it turns out that some guy my mom works with was in the crowd. I've never invited my parents to a show... ever. Not that I'm ashamed or anything. I just feel that it's not their kind of humor.

And..

I baked a quiche. And it came out great! Go me! And a chocolate mousse cheesecake that didn't give me salmonella poisoning. If you don't own a Magic Bullet (the blender, not the 'giner-'brater), get one. It comes standardly chock full of the brilliance that is the late night infomercial.

One more thing...

I'm thinking about posting my beer log in the Bdiary. Maybe. Look for it... or don't, whatever.

That there's a longin'

2008-03-12T13:43:00.000-07:00

Alright, I haven't bdiaried in a while so I've got some catching up to do.

Firstly, a little comedy news. I hosted the last Nashville Comedy Open Mic at the Bar Car on February 26. It was a fun show and I got to wear a tux.

Then I got to perform at the luxurious and undeniably classy Springwater the following night on my birthday.

The new open mic is now hosted at Spanky's (behind the Wal-Mart at Harding Pl. and Nolensville Rd.). It's got a pretty cool setup inside. The prices are good and they serve food.

Secondly, a little non-comedy news. I took a little vacation time and traveled to Asheville, NC for a instructional course taught by Dr. Raymond Moody. I am now officially certified in the use of a Psychomanteum(it's a paranormal thing I want to mess around with). I met up with some friends from a paranormal investigation group called L.E.M.U.R.
They're a good group that takes a rather scientific aproach to investigating the unknown.

Asheville is a cool little dog-friendly beer-friendly hippie-friendly town. It's definitely worth spending a weekend there.

Thirdly, a little more comedy news. My buddy and Nashville comic staple, Chris Loyd has invited me to partake in the Chris Loyd and Friends Comedy Show @ the Music City Bar and Grill. Here's a poster:

The show is on March 27 and funny gal Leslie Nash will be recording a DVD there. Chad Riden will be headlining. I hope I don't suck. Go to

I think that should get everyone up to date. Nasvhille Standup's website for more info.

Really Big Shoe

2008-01-11T21:36:00.000-08:00

Come on down to the Bar Car tuesday night.

January 15 at 9pm. $5 cover.

Directions

Barbara Hershey. Really?

2008-01-09T05:50:00.000-08:00

Love this weather!

2008-01-07T18:09:00.000-08:00

The west coast is getting their asses handed to them by God. Floods, mudslides, wildfires, levee breaks, blizzards, cars being blown off the road... It's 65 degrees in Nashville. Lovely January weather.

Also, I'm hosting a comedy show on Jan 15 at BarCar in Cummins Station. Starring Leslie Nash, Joel T Wilson, Damian Anaya and of course, your illustrious host: Joe Southards. Joel, Damian, and I (as well as others) got a little press this month for our work with ilovebetty (film production) as well as our work in Nashville comedy. The article is below. Also check out NashvilleStandup.com for all your local comedy needs.

Seriously Funny

by Danny Proctor

Nashville’s stages are internationally known for music of all genres. But in the last few decades, the growing popularity of stand-up comedy has caused local club owners to reserve their microphones for a fresh troupe of fierce and fearless comics.
Zanies Comedy Club has been around since 1983 and is the obvious choice for folks looking for a laugh. The club draws big-name comedy circuit acts regularly and has hosted such names as Seinfeld, Leno and Jackie Mason. Sinbad is booked for January 15-27. Joel T. Wilson, who heads up a video production company called “I Love Betty,” moonlights as a stand-up comic. “We all do shows here and there but at Zanies, people actually come out and buy a ticket to laugh. They’re paying for comedy so you pretty much get a great audience every time,” Wilson says.

But in unexpected venues as varied as Bongo Java, The 5 Spot, Big Tony’s Pizza and the Bar Car, comics are standing up and making a name for themselves every week. “People here want to see something different — something other than another singer/songwriter night,” Wilson says.

Open Mic Comedy Nights have become commonplace and give seasoned comics a place to try out new material as well as the chance for first-timers to share the spotlight. The Bar Car in Cummins Station has regularly hosted Open Mic Comedy longer than any other club in the state. Performers are given five minutes to try their material.

Wilson shares the stage regularly with an unofficial troupe that includes Perry Redd, Joe Southards, Damian Anaya, Heidi Ervin, Chris Loyd, and others.

Like many comedians, Perry Redd admits to being the “class clown” in school and names Richard Pryor as his comedy idol. “I actually prayed for it,” he says. “My stepdad was a bad alcoholic, man. So I thought about all the misery he caused in the house. I thought if I could make people laugh allthe time nobody would ever be sad.”

Heidi Ervin, on the other hand, says she was shy and introverted. “There’s the kid who is the class clown and then there’s the kid who is just observing things,” she says. “Just like there are different types of comedians.”

Chris Loyd, who cites Johnny Carson and David Letterman as his comedy heroes, says, “Nashville has a better comedy scene than even Los Angeles or New York. We could take the East and West coasts. That’s how strong I am.” Loyd hosts a comedy night every Monday at Big Tony’s Pizza in Hermitage.

Joe Southards is hosting Open Mic Comedy at the Bar Car on January 15, at 8 p.m. featuring Joel T. Wilson, Perry Redd, Chris Loyd and others. Call 259-4875 or go to www.thebarcar.com for more details.

There are a few corrections to be made:
1. It's not open mic, it's a showcase.
2. It starts at 9pm.
3. There is a $5 cover.
4. The show consists of Joel, Damian, Leslie, and myself.

Hells effin' yeah!

2008-01-02T00:32:00.000-08:00

A couple of friends of mine, Michael and Jimmy, were kind enought to inform me that my former likeness is plastered on the front of an ironic t-shirt.

PARTY LIKE IT'S 1989!

Close enough. It's better than that sketch that a homeless man drew of me in a Waffle House early one morning. Maybe I'll sue for residuals.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, MOVIE HOUSE!!

2007-12-25T13:03:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to both of you who read this bdiary.

I went in to work at 10pm last night and I just got off at 2pm today. Then it's off to the folks' for Christmas dinner. I'll see how sleep deprivation and "holiday cheer" make for a combo.

Of course, since it was Christmas Eve, there was little to choose from on tv. I settled into TBS's 24 hours of A Christmas Story. Watch it three times in a row and you'll start quoting it in your sleep. Not just "you'll shoot your eye out" and "fa ra ra ra ra", but "That's mine! What's this, that's hard. Wow, a firetruck, that's mine!" and "I like the Wizard of Oz. I like the Tin Man." Why didn't I ever get a zepplin with wheels on it for Christmas? I really like this movie, but if I see it again within the next 364 days, then it'll be too soon.

Three guesses as to what's awesome and the first two don't count.

2007-12-23T04:30:00.001-08:00

And a one, and a two...

2007-12-22T18:09:00.000-08:00

I almost forgot I had a bdiary there for a minute.

I had the pleasure of winning a comedy open mic and thus securing a guest set in a showcase that occured the following week. I like to think I did alright. And in unrelated news, I will be hosting (MCing) the showcase of the same name on January 15. It'll be a rumsmushin' good time. I hope it goes off without a hitch. I should have video from the December showcase up soon. PEACE! [missle sound] (that was from Independence Day).

I'm bringin' sexy voice back.

2007-12-02T01:19:00.000-08:00

Just before Thanksgiving weekend I had the fortune of developing a sinus infection. You've got to love those things. I was in a world where ad hoc became an onomatopoeia. Anyone who has blown their nose enough to make their entire face look sunburned knows what I'm talking about. But let me turn this into a positive. As mucus settles into my chest, my voice drops about two octaves. I finally get to do my Miguel Ferrer impressions. If I can keep from going hoarse from the coughing, then the laryn-al drainage induces a tranformation that results in an intonated projection that actually causes women to ovulate. Nothing a steam bath and two hours of imitating Don LaFontaine won't fix. I used up the rest of my monkey salve fighting this thing.

And, yes, my Thanksgiving with the family went fine. I'm sure you all were on the edge of your seats waiting to read that. I went with my mom, dad, brother, brother's girlfriend, and brother's girlfriend's son to my brother's girlfriend's son's mother's boyfriend's father's parent's house in Missouri. Weather was fair. I hate driving for eight hours. I need to build a time machine so I can travel to the future where instantaneous transporters are sold and buy one to use here in the present. We got to set off an ass-load of fireworks and I got my ass kicked by an eleven year old at guitar hero. I also got to once again hear my uncle tell of the failing local economy and how it is probably the fault of the four black people who live in town. A town of five thousand people and for twenty years the only ethnic person was Dr. Tang the town physician. I think a half Italian cattle auctioneer stayed at a motel there once though. All in all I ate a lot, cut some wood, and used Lotrimin to treat... something.

A couple days ago Nora (the photographer friend who took my headshots www.moidesignstudio.com) took another pic of me. It's part of a themed deal she's doing. Anywho, has anyone you've ever dated made "gay" comments about your myspace pics? Sometimes a comment like that is the only way to keep a barage of Miss USA laureates from kicking in your door with an insemination requisition. And I NetFlixed "Steven Tobolowsky's Birthday Party". I liked it, but it's not for everyone. I'm a fan of storytellers. That should bring you up to date.

Ass-a-goo-won!

2007-11-15T12:03:00.000-08:00

More spooky pictures. Holy Crap.

2007-11-10T07:59:00.000-08:00

Later that night...

2007-11-10T07:53:00.000-08:00

After I ditched the squares, I headed down to Printer's Alley.

And played harmonica.

All Hallow's East

2007-11-10T07:44:00.000-08:00

For Halloween, I went with Billy, Josh, and Jesse on a pub crawl through East Nashville. Here's some spoooooky pictures:

Zoinks, Scoob! It's like a dead stewardess!

2007-11-10T06:23:00.000-08:00

I got "Flight of the Living Dead" from NetFlix the other day. Holy crap. I wasn't expecting any oscar-winning performances, but what a turd. If you haven't seen it, then let me ruin it for you... no titties.

"Get these motha-fuckin' zombies off this motha-fuckin' plane!"

I love this. Thanks, Billy.

2007-11-10T06:04:00.000-08:00

Turn to Stone

2007-11-07T05:14:00.000-08:00

I love this song. I remember it from Dr. Who.

Chock full o' awesome.

2007-11-01T15:15:00.000-07:00

I'm famous.. but not really.

2007-11-01T14:46:00.000-07:00

I just got new headshots done. The woman who runs the studio wanted to use my image in a photoshop tutorial.

I'm on the web now... not that I wasn't before, but its new for me to have someone else put me on the web. If you want to see some of the other headshots, they are on my MySpace page.

http://www.myspace.com/therockafireexplosion1

I'd like to announce my emergence from retirement... oh? Nevermind.

2007-10-07T03:24:00.000-07:00

Wednesday. Sunny and bright. I left Asheville around one o' clock. I'm performing in downtown Nashville at ten. I've probably done comedy on stage about six times in the past eight months. I just sort of lost my want to do it. I remember doing two/three performances a week. Open mics, showcases, porn intermissions, it didn't matter as long as I got up. But after the loss of two loved ones in two weeks, the struggle to keep balance between school and work, and a personal challenge to attempt more than five hours of sleep daily eventually led to a stagnant point in one of my favorite hobbies. A stagnant point that was coming to an end.

I get into Nashville around five o' clock local time. Shit, shower, and shave. Hooray! I'm going to do comedy again.... in a bar! HOLY SHIT! What an amazing unprecedented occasion. I call my buddy Chad to make sure he's performing that night as well. He's on his way. Even if I bomb horribly, I still have someone to drink with. I pull into the parking garage, head into the bar, and notice the three customers inside. This was supposed to be a big event. Comedy, music, a birthday celebration, maybe a puppet that says "poosy" a lot. Obviously, something is amiss. I ask the bartender if she knows where the gentleman who organized the show is. I don't want to say his name so I'll just call him D. "Where's D" I ask. "Where's D?", she repeats. "D's in jail. Has been since friday." Fan-poosy-tastic. I break the news to Chad and he crys.... a lot. He's so disappointed that it almost sounds like he's not crying at all, maybe even seems amused by the situation. Anywho, I drank a case of beer and watched Doctor Who on my DVR.

Asheville

2007-10-06T06:09:00.000-07:00

I know. I haven't bdiaried in a while. Well, I've got something to bdiary about. I took a little vacation to Asheville, NC last week. I went to a conference on ghosts, UFOs, government conspiracies, cryptozoology, and celebrity secrets. Awesome. It was held at the Asheville Pizza and Brewing Co. They sell pizza and their own brews; plus they have a movie theatre. Only one issue with the place: they'll only sell you five beers max... per day. I was there from one in the afternoon until eleven at night so I had to order between two different bartenders and a waiter, hoping that they didn't catch on.

I got to hang out with some groovy cats. The L.E.M.U.R paranormal investigative group, authors, Joshua P. Warren, Nick Redfern, and Jim Marrs were a great bunch to hang out with. Also, Asheville has an amazing beer selection. However, due to the large hippie population in the area, there are a few too many Belgian Whites (don't care for them; they taste like soap). But everything else is awesome. I drank approximately one assload of beer whilst in the San Fransisco of the East.

I was also fortunate enough to "beta test" a haunted trolley ride. Several others and myself took the maiden voyage of a mass transit-based ghostly narrative through the nooks and crannies of supernatural Asheville. Cool beans. Then I drank a case of Yuengling Lager and played with a green laser beam. [quick aside: If you hold a D-cell Mag-Lite under a fake boob (fake as in augmented, not fake as in mannequin), it lights up like Rudolph's nose. You can see the veins and everything. I call it the Aurora Boobealis, and it's the most amazing thing you will ever see in your lifetime.]

Guess where else I went? That's right. Biltmore. I toured the house for a couple hours with an audio accompaniment. I ate at one of the several resturants, toured the winery and attended a wine tasting. I'm pretty sure that Marisa Tomei was stalking me through the mansion. I spent about five hours looking around everything. It was nice, but I probably won't be dishing out that kind of cash for that again anytime soon.

That's all I can think of other than I got great gas milage on the way out there and back. If I think of anything else I'll let y'all know.

48 Hr Film Project

2007-08-06T11:03:00.000-07:00

I got to see our short film on the big screen yesterday at Belcourt. Guess what? We weren't the worst. Hooray! Honestly, I think we did a really good job. I had a fantastic time working with this team and look forward to doing more projects with them in the future.

From this week's Nashville Scene:

2007-08-02T18:11:00.000-07:00

Nashville, Je T’aime
Short film contest shows the city from every angle
by W.M. Akers

In the early hours of July 21, when civilized society was settling down into bed to learn the fate of Harry, Hermione and Ron, Pete Wade led a different team of adventurers inside Centennial Medical Center. They—and 46 other teams just like them—were racing to write, film, edit and score a full short film by 7 p.m. the following Sunday as part of the Nashville branch of the 48 Hour Film Project.

Over the past five years, the 48 Hour Film Project—a beat-the-clock endeavor that pits teams of filmmakers around the world against each other for prizes and perhaps pivotal pitch meetings—has become a Nashville institution, getting bigger and hairier each year. On July 20 at Sunset Grill, teams were given a single prop, character and line of dialogue that had to be included in every film. Then team reps picked genres out of a hat under the watchful eye of 48HFP producer Andy van Roon. From possibilities such as “buddy movie,” “superhero” and “Western,” Wade’s team OFF TV Prods had drawn “horror.” They went to Centennial looking for fear.

A colony of wailing bats was found outside the door to the medical center, but the interior lacked long, evil hallways and flickering fluorescent lights. That meant Wade would have to create atmosphere in post-production. “You never know how a movie will look until it’s edited,” said Wade, who planned his shoot to give himself as much time in the editing room as possible. He did not plan on sleeping. “The last few days I’ve been going to bed 12 hours later than I usually would,” he explained, “so right now it feels like it’s 1 in the afternoon.”

That was 1 a.m. Saturday. Eleven hours later—midnight for the director—they finished filming at a scrapyard downtown, leaving 31 hours to edit. Wade’s film placed third in 2004, and he said that the new one, “Abandon,” looks better than his previous entry. “I think the difference was that we had a bigger crew,” said Wade, who has a public-access show on Nashville’s Channel 19. “Instead of having just me and one person, we actually had 18.”

By contrast, at the same time Wade and company were finishing, a team called ilovebetty, run by Joel Wilson and filled out by a gaggle of stand-up comics, had not shot any footage they planned on using. It had taken a long time to write “0500,” a drama about a soldier’s last party before going off to war. “We had about 18 people writing it, which got cut down to three,” said main writer Joe Southards. “With everybody contributing, it would have taken about a week.” This put them slightly behind schedule, but they were not panicking. “Everybody’s kept a real positive attitude,” said actress Jamie Potter, “despite being awake for so long.”

Unlike Wade, who shot rapidly and with little coverage, Wilson had his actors run rehearsals of each scene, then shot multiple angles and takes. This rigorous organization, though time-consuming, made editing go quickly. But trouble with their elaborate soundboard meant that ilovebetty had to use audio from the camera’s microphone for many of their interior scenes, since synching the sound would have made finishing on time impossible.

As it turns out, Wilson and ilovebetty handed “0500” in past the deadline. But so many teams were tardy this year that lateness disqualified their team only from the “Best Overall” competition, not the awards for individual genres. “There were certainly a lot of things we could have done to make it look better than a two-day production, if we’d had more than two days,” Wilson said. “Overall, we’re pleased, the experience itself was a good one, and we got it in.” After 48 hours’ sleepless work on a project, getting it in seems to be the thing to hope for.

And now the filmmakers can bask in the glory of their premiere. Starting Aug. 4 for three days, the Belcourt will screen all the entries in this year’s 48HFP—some 47 different views of the city—in four programming groups. “Abandon” and “0500” will both be shown in Group A. Then comes the awards night Aug. 7, and the chance for one Nashville team to compete against others from Los Angeles to Glasgow. And then, maybe, they can all get some sleep.

IBS or just BS?

2007-08-02T05:43:00.000-07:00

I seem to have developed a mild case of Irritable Bowel Syndrome. I wonder if that's even really a syndrome. Drug companies are turning everything into diseases nowadays. I remember when heartburn was heartburn, not Acid Reflux Disease, and I remember when daydreaming and child neglect weren't called Attention Deficit Disorder. If I puke my brains out after downing a bottle of Jager and eating four double bacon cheese Krystals, then that would be a bad choice, not Alcohol and Heaven on a Bun Intolerance. Maybe if I stopped eating microwavable pizza out of the vending machine at work and covering it in ranch dressing, then my dumps won't burn every time I have to "catch up on my reading". Or I can take a pill. Yeah, I think I'll do that. Why should I change my diet, I've got a disease. It's not my fault. Maybe I can join the Make a Wish Foundation (I want to sky dive from the International Space Station).

I think it was Jesus who said....

2007-08-02T05:39:00.000-07:00

... the body is a temple. If so, then mine was designed by Frank Lloyd Wright. I don't know when certain mutations began to occur in my DNA, but I've noticed their effects. A few months ago I had a Teen Wolf moment. After a shower, I noticed that I have a five inch long clear hair growing out of my side. A clear hair, not white, clear, like a polar bear. It looked like a miniature DuPont factory spinning out nylon from one of my pores.

I know what you're thinking. "But, Joe, It's only one five inch long clear hair growing out of your side. That's hardly enough to speculate DNA mutations." Well I haven't finished yet. I'm certain that you know what a crown is. Not a Burger King crown, but the kind that is on the back of your head where the hair gets all swirly. I have one of those under the right side of my chin. That's right. My beard has a black hole (I believe a more accurate analogy would be the Iris from Stargate SG-1, but you get the idea). Speaking of beard hair, some of them are red. This is worth mentioning because I have black hair. That takes care of the superficial stuff. Now lets get down to the real burdens of my superzero powers. The left side of my nasal pasage is approximately thirty-five percent larger than the right side. I have two tibiae in my right leg. I had a sixth toe removed from an undisclosed foot. There is a birthmark in the exact shape of the Nun Bun that surfaced around '98. And I have laser vision. Not the cool Cyclops laser vision, but the kind of laser vision that gets me kicked out of movie theatres and arrested by Homeland Securtiy when I look toward the airport.

Man, who came up with this weblog idea? Is it crazy or what? Anywho, the moral of this story is: No matter how cool it seems when you're six years old, don't play with the radioactive isotopes found in common household smoke detectors.

Dear Bdiary,

2007-08-02T05:34:00.000-07:00

Hello, anyone who will ever read this. I never have anything important to say, but sometimes I have something unimportant to say and, to me, that's kind of the same thing. I can't go a year inbetween blogs anymore. I'm going to start one of those blogger deals on the Google. I don't care for the word "blog" much either. Blog... blog... blog....

The word's lost all meaning. I can do that with any word. Try it. Say blog three thousand times and see if it becomes the most foreign sounding thing in your vocabulary. Blog is kind of a dumb word to begin with. Weblog, yeah I get it. I just think it's kind of dumb. Like when you hear someone say "delish". At least it sounds futuristic. If you went back to 1965 and said "blog", I'm pretty sure someone would say "That sounds like a future word!", and they would be correct. Because it is a future word. Blog. Nearly an onomatopoeia. I don't dislike the word; I just think it's kind of dumb. I have family members who are kind of dumb, but I love them anyway. Blog. It could be the sound that an instrument makes in a Frank Herbert novel. I thought about using "bdiary" instead, but that sounds like an Ebonics version of irritable bowel syndrome. "I got bdiary comin' out my ass! I must be lactose intolerant." Anywho, this global warming stuff's crazy, huh? I don't really care. The globe's been warming since the last ice age. As long as there's still fish in fifty years, I'll be happy. Fish, and titties. (hush puppies, daddy)
From now on, my blog will be called a bdiary.

Holy SHIT! I am going to hunt down the person responsible for the "Coach Foster Fights Back" commercials and punch them in the nuts. I try to avoid them, but they sneak up on me. I'll walk out of the bathroom to hear a dreadful Russian actress butchering lines that don't even deserve to be written on a cue card. Tell me how a 25 year old from Eastern Europe becomes the best spinal surgeon in America. DAMN IT! These commercials are fucking dumb. Dumb fucking commercials. You know what's fucking dumb? These dumb fucking commercials! That's what's fucking dumb. Mrmph! (that's a frustrated noise by the way) If I could stab a commercial, I'd do it. Some guy would come up to me and say "Hey, Joe! That commercial you hate has been anthropomorphized and I'll give you a dollar to stab it." Then I'll say "Keep your dollar, friend. This one's on the house." Then I'd stab it. And everytime I'd stab it, I'd yell "STAB!" Then I'd tell the commercial's kids that I'm sorry, but it had to be done for the greater good of humanity. Then I'd sleep with commercial's wife. God, I hate those commercials.

And finally:

Approximately one ass-load:

That's how much money I want. An ass-load of money should be enough for me to do whatever I want. Am I greedy? No, but I could sleep in and buy a kid to mow my yard. I could buy a yard. Wow. I remember yards (I think British people call them gardens). The British have a different name for everything. It's like a secret language that twins speak. Biscuits and gravy takes on a whole new meaning over there. Snog, lorry, lift, crisps, pissed, beaker... don't even get me started on cockney rhyming slang. Some deaf and dumb with a broken chalk farm will drop three squid to throw a pint down his Gregory on his Dick Van Dyke. What? That should be a foreign language course in college. College used to be fun. I would get these great cheesesteaks on campus. I think if it wasn't for college that the poster industry would probably go bankrupt. I like the beer selection in college towns. Eight bars with over fifty different beers each. It took me a while to develop a taste for the heavier stuff. I think I'm going to start homebrewing. I foresee that as a possibility in the near future. Speaking of which, I was watching Back to the Future II the other day. I remember seeing it in the theater in the late 80s. I think Prancer came out the same year. The effects were awesome. I think its funny that it took place in 2015. That's only eight years away. Flying car technology has a long way to go. I think that hologram technology will be perfected though. However, three years later it will only be available at Spencer's and no one will really want it. Ellipses. Yeah, having an ass-load of money would be cool.

Anywho, other than the trainwreck that was my social life over the past year, a curse that affects the women I date, and a myriad of stories that involve leprechauns, moonshine, and paranormal investigation, that's about all that's happened in the last year.

I'm Audi 5000, y'all.