Hokey Dookie

Stop. Collaborate and listen. Got the monthly Church St. Comedy Open Mic going down on Wednesday December 16th at 830, y'all. Show's gonna be bangin' and what have you. For those of you looking to get more stage time or maybe try some material in front of a different crowd, come on down to Jesse Zane's Nashville Nights 12/16/09. There's no cover and you can smoke.

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And on Sunday December 13th anyone who's anyone should come to Spanky's for The Naughty & Not So Nice Christmas Comedy Showcase. (see previous post for flyer)

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Finally, I will be kickin' it farm-style this week so The Tuesday Night Open Mic Comedy Show will be guest hosted by Brad Hinderliter. See yuins on the 13th.

To borrow from '07 "Shake your Party [STABNOISE]"

Holy SHIT! I am going to hunt down the person responsible for the "Coach Foster Fights Back" Old Navy "Party Cardi" commercials and punch them in the nuts. I try to avoid them, but they sneak up on me. I'll walk out of the bathroom to hear a dreadful Russian actress butchering lines that don't even deserve to be written on a cue card. Tell me how a 25 year old from Eastern Europe becomes the best spinal surgeon in America some chick with a fake British accent trying to broadcast the next female equivalent of a douchebag catchphrase. "Shake your Party Cardi". DAMN IT! These commercials are fucking dumb. Dumb fucking commercials. You know what's fucking dumb? These dumb fucking commercials! That's what's fucking dumb. Mrmph! (that's a frustrated noise by the way) If I could stab a commercial, I'd do it. Some guy would come up to me and say "Hey, Joe! That commercial you hate has been anthropomorphized and I'll give you a dollar to stab it." Then I'll say "Keep your dollar, friend. This one's on the house." Then I'd stab it. And every time I'd stab it, I'd yell "STAB!" Then I'd tell the commercial's kids that I'm sorry, but it had to be done for the greater good of humanity. Then I'd sleep with commercial's wife. God, I hate those commercials.

Hey, everybody. A "very good friend of mine" named Toby Stapleton is doing a Christmas Showcase at Spanky's Sportsbar & Grill on Sunday December 13th. You all should come see me.. I mean him. As for this week, I'll be hosting the Tuesday Night Open Mic Comedy Night at Spanky's. Show starts at 830pm. I hear we may even have a ventriloquist this week. I look forward to much holiday-themed hilarity.




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In culinary news: I finally made one of those bacon fatty melts. It was awesome. I had a lot of ground beef left over that was going to go bad so I also made two gallons of chili. It took a while, but I finished it off. Chili for breakfast, lunch, dinner, brunch, snacktime, dunch, second breakfast, supper, and pre-bedtime gorging. I make my own chili seasoning (could use less cumin, honestly) and added some dried ground habanero. I'd always have to chase a spoonful with a quart of milk, but I think the pepper may have saved me.

I have three friends that were laid up with what appeared to originally be food poisoning. But when food poisoning hits three people that didn't eat at the same place or even know each other, it makes me think that a stomach flu was going around. And with the chili agitating my stomach to it's brink, there was no more room for gastroenteritis to affect it. GO ME!

Thanksgiving is this week. I like this holiday, as well as Christmas and Easter, because I get to eat one of my favorite dishes. It's known as "everything mixed together and eaten on a roll". A large mish-mash of holiday fare sandwiched between buttered brown and serve rolls. Greenbean casserole. Check. Mashed potatoes and gravy. Check. Turkey. Check. Stuffing. Check. Corn. Check. Don't really care for cranberry sauce or pumpkin pie though. I don't like olives either... or mushrooms... or licorice. Luckily, my grandma would make a chocolate pie for dessert. She was even nice enough to leave out the olives and licorice-flavored mushrooms.

Looks like someone is buying a new belt for Black Friday... and maybe some strechy pants. Peace out, everybody.

My left arm and jaw hurt

What is better than a grilled cheese sandwich? A grilled cheese sandwich with bacon on it. And what is better than a grilled cheese sandwich with bacon on it? Using those grilled cheese sandwiches with bacon on them as buns for a big ass burger! Holy crap, what a great idea these guys had.

The Fatty Melt (as mentioned in the following blogs: Serious Eats: A Hamburger Today and Dad Can Cook) has to be one of the most glorious creations of man. It is ranked among Buffalo Wings and those Nachos that you get at the Mexican restaurant with the white cheese on them.

Now, putting the bacon in the grilled cheese is what I would do. I feel that it would help keep the bacon in place whilst wolfing it down. And keep in mind that you should use ultra thin bread since there are four slices being used. I would also suggest experimenting with different cheeses. Maybe even have some INSIDE the burger. I hope your heart knows not what your eyes can see, because this next picture is sure to stop it dead.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the Double Bacon Hamburger Fatty Melt [trumpetnoise!]
It's a thing of beauty. A burger so awesome that it will be outlawed by Healthcare Reform. I think if I'm ever lying on my death bed, I'll take one of these monsters and just deep fry the whole thing in lard. That's how I want to go.

If anyone else is interested in awesome burgers, you can hit up Cheese and Burger at their website link there or add them as a page on Facebook.

Quarterly Update

Ok. There is no longer a cash prize at the open mic. Thank goodness. It had turned into a "whoever brings the most people wins" situation. I like it better when comics strive to better their material and presence for the chance to win a can of Fresca.

Here's the new poster:



Also, fellow comic Renard Hirsch has started a booked show called Wild Funny Wednesdays at Corner Bar on Elliston Pl. across from Gold Rush. It's on Wednesdays. Show starts around 9pm and there's no cover. It's also one of the few places where I can drink draft beer and not get hung over.

Nashville Comic Corey Reppond has started a show at Joe's Place in Green Hills every Sunday night. Check NashvilleStandup.com for times.

And Jesse Case is in town for a few months. Be sure to check him out. He'll be performing at a variety of venues.

That was the update. So... Halloween was fun.

That's my friend Sarah. She went as someone who could have been on Laugh-In and I went as someone who could have watched it when it originally aired on TV. I look like an example of what they DON'T want at Mad Men casting calls. I decided to go as a slutty cop this year. Why do the chicks get to have all the fun and lack of being judged for dressing how they feel? I bounced from bar to bar in Printers Alley for about eight hours (yay daylight savings time). I get chatty when I've been drinking and I loose the ability to hear the words "get away from me, you smell like aftershave and souse". So I've been known to become a little annoying. Luckily everyone I'm talking to is drunk and doesn't notice. Hope everyone else had a "spook"tacular time. I think there's a law that reads you have to use puns in advertising around the holidays.

Till next time, yuins...

You heard me. Wanna do something about it?

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the new format for the Tuesday Night Comedy Open Mic (NOW WITH CASH PRIZE).

In the past, the winner of the Tuesday Night Comedy Open Mic would recieve a 12 oz. Fresca "That's good drinkin" and a ten minute spot up front at the following week's show. Now we've added a cash prize as well. Real money, not a Man in Black CD. The winners of the first three weeks will compete against each other in a showcase at the end of the month. The monthly winners will, in turn, compete in an end of the year showcase. How's that sound?

Winners will be chosen based on audience response. Translation: If you're performing then it wouldn't hurt to bring as many friends as you can.

There is no cover. Sign up starts at 730 and show starts at 830. Head on out, enjoy some comedy, and drink a lot. Please see flyer above for any other details.

They had horses and everything.

Man. Last Wednesday I was all like, "Hey, Scott D. Hill, you want to go up to Lexington, KY to do a show?" and he was all like, "Hells-effin' yeah, brother!" and I was all like, "Word!" Then we awkwardly high-fived and got in the car. Four hours later we arrived in the Dublin of the South. Met up with fellow comic Greg Greer and made our way out to the Chase Tap Room and commenced to drinking.

It was an open mic, but it was ran so well that you would have thought it was a regular billed show. Eight comics and yours truly finished out the show. Drink a little more, then head to some dude's place with some other people. Drink a lot more and pass out. Just before losing consciousness I heard Greg say something about a guy he knew that sometimes looks like Larry the Cable Guy (I know several people like that myself), but then he said that sometimes he looks like Rip Torn. What? He might as well have said he looked like Jeff Goldblum some of the time and James Caan some of the time. How do you look like Larry the Cable Guy OR Rip Torn? Anyway, I think that's what he said.

Should have some big news about the Tuesday Night Open Mic soon. Stay tuned....

"We're not hosting an intergalactic kegger down here, Git 'r dun!"